he is not my need-meeter

September 13, 2010

my husband, that is.

the truth is, i’ve married the man of my dreams – he is a gift, really. he serves, he loves, he gives, he patiently teaches and instructs, and he listens (oh, how he listens!).

but he is not perfect. =) he cannot read my mind. he does not always think like i do. things that come naturally to me do not for him, and vice versa. we are different (go figure!).

and this past week i realized again that i was in that place – a dangerous one for me – of placing my eyes on him, looking to him to meet my (unspoken) needs. over a few days, we had a couple tense discussions that i initiated and that came back to one message he heard: i was dissatisfied/let down/etc. and i could justify til the cows come home, how “right” my perspective was. and because he is such an amazing person, he accepted and listened and tolerated my rants. but they were not, overall, very  helpful and actually exacerbated some of the “complaints” i had (not being attended to in a certain way, etc).

but here’s the deal (and this is my personal, honest stuff here): i do not want to focus my energy and attention in that negative way with this man i love so dearly. i do NOT want him to believe that he is letting me down or not enough in any way, because … reality-check … making him feel that way does not create change anyway.

change is inspired by love.

and real change happens in our own hearts, as a work of the Spirit.

and my husband, serving the same GOD, has the same Spirit prompting and guiding him. that is not my job.

my job? to love this man; this FELLOW SINNER, fully human, joined as my one-flesh partner. i sat in church last week and very clearly heard a word for me: surrender.

surrender and love.

and it’s been a wonderful week … peaceful, united, good. thank you, LORD.

“The LORD will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.” isaiah 58:10

“and my GOD will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” phil 4:19

i love this man!


3 Responses to “he is not my need-meeter”

  1. liz Says:

    Emily, this is such a good reminder. I’ve seen some very unhappily married people whose main problem was unrealistic/unfair expectations for their spouse. The Lord will provide. Although, honestly some people have unrealistic/unfair expectations for Him too! I think as women, we sometimes have a tendency to be needy, instead of just living life and being content with the good things we already have.

  2. home2learn Says:

    i like that … “just living life and being content with the good things we already have.”
    hugs to you, friend.

  3. Jessica Krohn Says:

    So true and such a good Word! Isn’t it timely that our Bible Study discussion was about discernment and there you are….discerning God’s Word for you regarding surrender.

    We ALL can be tempted at times to have our needs met by someone other than Christ. And as married women it can seem almost ‘natural’ to look to our man to know us and meet our needs…..after all he is supposed to love us as Christ loved the church….AND, the reality is just as you stated, he is HUMAN….a sinner and susceptible to temptation just as we are.

    Over the past couple of years I have realized as I look to my partner, that no matter what I may be frustrated with at the time, he truly GIVES, LOVES, SACRIFICES, HONORS, LEADS, and SERVES me most of the time.

    Lord help me to never take him for granted and to learn to love him in his weaknesses as he loves me! Because truly I think my man is much better at overlooking my short comings than I am of his….that love inspires me to grow!

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