the lifting of anxiety … steps in victory

March 6, 2012

the other night, i was tucking maddie in and it was one of those nights when the door of soul-sharing was open … i could tell she wanted mama close and wanted to talk. i was intentional about being present; about allowing spaces of silence and the processing of thoughts as we talked. i love this girl so much! her heart is so precious and tender; her vulnerability with me so entirely beyond value.

we covered much … big and small thoughts she had … and landed on the subject of fear.

{this word, fear, having been my close companion for a couple of years. it has been my place of battle, coming in different costumes for different areas of my life but remaining a constant that i have fought body, mind and spirit.}

and so my girl shares her fears, the ones she has been battling this year. the ones we’ve prayed over, claimed victory on and continue to press for total release. i had a word for my girl, and encouraged her that it WILL lift; that this fear will not always be present for her and that someday she will look back almost disbelieving that she struggled with this thing. it will be done. resolved. something of the very-distant past.

she looked at me and asked, “mama, what are you afraid of?”

it was a tender moment, one that as a mama i grapple with: how honest am i to be? what is best and right and good to share with her in this moment?

oh LORD, guide me!

and then i knew.

i began to share about how mama felt when she was pregnant with josiah; how each day i battled deep and gripping fear, wondering – is he ok? will everything be ok? after losing our last baby, fear gripped me.

she nodded, as she had some sense that i had held that concern. she had no idea how INTENSE and consuming the fear was some days.

many days.

today, carrying our little gift within, that fear is GONE. i have such a peace and rest in my heart and mind about this pregnancy; i don’t struggle with fear or worry. it’s incredible! i am learning … to trust, to rest in HIM, to believe and experience a lifting of the fear.

i shared with her that i feel like worrying about this baby will be tainting a GOOD GIFT! i gave an example: what if she received a barbie for her birthday and instead of being thankful for the gift, she was consumed with worry: what if the arm breaks? what if i pull out her hair?

what a waste of a good gift!!

instead, i am THANKFUL. i am enjoying the amazing grace of HIS love … the growing life within.

fear can be overcome, by the strength of the Overcomer. amen!

{side note: hubby and i were talking about this recently – how different this pregnancy has been for me. he’s so glad!! we talked about how my anxiety had me in a place of being so hyper-vigilant, monitoring every feeling and symptom, scouring books and websites for information, tracking every single day of my pregnancy. and now? i realize that GOD is growing this life, without me even having to pay attention. imagine that! lol. isn’t that anxiety … trying to control, instead of releasing and resting in Him?}


One Response to “the lifting of anxiety … steps in victory”

  1. Krystle Says:

    Okay, yes I cried when I read, today, carrying our little gift within, that fear is GONE.
    Praise the Lord, He is faithful my friend…so faithful!!

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