16 week appointment craziness

April 18, 2012

yesterday i went in for my 16week appointment. my last appointment was at 12 weeks, with the ultrasound … so it had been 4 weeks since hearing the heartbeat and i was eager!!

{eager and a bit anxious, honestly. i’ve been feeling SUCH incredible peace throughout this pregnancy, which is nothing short of a miracle. but last week i felt funky, a little “off” and also it just felt increasingly surreal: am i really pregnant?! not really showing (a bit maybe), not feeling baby, etc. it’s just that weird in between time. so i had that nervous excitement all morning as i prepared for my appointment.}

i did the usual weight, urine, blood pressure and nurse small talk. the big moment came and i lay on the table as the nurse got out the doppler and gel.

she searched for several minutes and could not find the heartbeat.

honestly, i thought i was going to throw up. she kept pressing, insisting the baby is “so small still” that i was likely tucked behind my pubic bone (hmm … small, yes, but not that small … several inches long by now, i kept thinking).

she kept saying things like, “don’t panic”, “think positive”, “you haven’t had any spotting, have you?”

the room was spinning, time stood still, i felt like i was going to be sick and i remember just crying out loud in prayer, “Oh LORD, please!”

she continued to apply more gel, make more comments to encourage (insanity), and then finally said she was going to have the doctor come in and would also have the ultrasound tech fire up her machine.

i felt like my worst nightmare was unfolding. and i thought, LORD, even now: will i trust and turn to You or will i continue this spiral of sickening panic?

i almost asked if i could give it a try. i kept thinking, when i was 16 weeks prego w/josiah and had the doppler at home, i could find the heartbeat in seconds. come on!!!

minutes passed and she finally went to get the doctor.  he came in, grabbed the doppler, and promptly

found the heartbeat.

loud and strong!!

i started crying.

it was up so high – near my belly button! the nurse had been looking wayyy down low the entire time. UGH.

he moved straight in to talk about “business” – blood tests and next appointments and all of it was a blur because i was thinking, i almost just had a heart attack. i can’t track what you are saying.

i am just SO THANKFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


One Response to “16 week appointment craziness”

  1. liz Says:

    Oh, that was NOT FUN! I’m so, so grateful that it was just a scare (or incompetence!). Love you.

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