sickness and expectations

July 29, 2012

it’s been a rough few weeks for our family.

we finally got a diagnosis for maddie’s malaise: pneumonia. it was a relief to know what was causing her to feel so awful and good to start needed antibiotics … but *such* a bummer to have her hit with such a heavy illness. the diagnosis/meds started 2 weeks ago and she is feeling better, thankfully … significantly better. but she is not yet 100% as far as energy and appetite, which i hate.  she is so rarely sick that seeing her feel so “off” for these weeks has been the worst.

and then a few days ago something hit me and i finally saw a doctor yesterday after a night of intense wheezing, rattling and painful endless coughing. no real “diagnosis” but a few different inhalers prescribed… which i am hoping will begin to really work, soon. i hate complaining but honestly, being this pregnant and feeling this miserable is just the pits. there are times when the wheezing escalates and the coughing won’t stop and my chest feels like it’s ripping open and i am trying to get comfortable but every turn seems to trigger that side stitch (round ligament pain?) shooting pain and more contractions and i am just done. and (as if i need to continue on this track) after a few great nights of sleep, the past few have been really rough for little man so i find myself rocking him, etc while consumed in a coughing fit and that is just super fun at 2am. HA.

is there anything uplifting and redeeming about my thoughts here today!? LOL. truly, the silver lining in this is that i’ve been having to really reevaluate my expectations. because here’s the thing: it’s sunny and gorgeous out and it’s SUMMER and we “should” be doing so many things. it hits me that it’s almost august (what?!) and we’ve barely been swimming this summer. last summer, i am sure that i took maddie and a friend swimming no fewer than 4 times/week. it was what we did and a total part of our summer rhythm.

so i am stepping back a bit and checking my expectations and my “shoulds” and seeing how much is influenced by our culture: that feeling that everyone around is doing grand summer adventures, and we are missing out. isn’t that message everywhere?!

what is needed right now is rest. and it’s so hard for me to simply rest. even now, confession: my beloved just went to the store (and took the babies, to give me a break) in order to get ingredients to make me the most awesome healing tea … and as soon as they walked out the door, i pulled out the vacuum and vacuumed our main living area. i am far from a neat freak (i have friends who are so tidy and organized and i admire them so much!) but i find i am more cranky and irritable with the accumulating visual distractions of crushed cheerios in the carpet and toys strewn everywhere. i am able to relax and concentrate so much more as i write this, with a cleaner space.

we were blessed last night to attend this event and hear nick vujicic speak and my heart was encouraged. he talked about how we are so often looking for the next thing to bring us that sense of “we’ve made it”, “this is IT”  and a sense of rest. but what we have available to us is the immeasurable and TRUE rest described in psalm 23. right now. 

“he makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.”

not looking to the left or right, but looking up to HIM … not fretting over “missed” summer activities or a short season of illness … this is my heart’s desire today.

pretty flowers brought to me by my sweet grandma yesterday …


One Response to “sickness and expectations”

  1. Leaves Heal Says:

    Enjoy your tea, Emily, and your rest. Love to you!

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