August 21, 2012
the past week has felt pretty intense, but some prayers were answered that lifted the heaviness as the week progressed. thank GOD! on top of that, the temps have been 100+ daily, with the added “bonus” of smoky skies due to area fires.
as always, there is beauty all around when i stop and see it. and also, beauty within … like this CRAZY ACTIVE WIGGLING baby boy that, even as i sit here writing, feels like his booty is up in my armpit! i thought josiah was active … whoa. yesterday, hubby could see my belly movement from across the room. it’s that MUCH. and wonderful and also increasingly uncomfortable.
and did i mention that it’s hot?! “they” weren’t joking when they said that being big and prego in the summer is pretty dang rough.
:: speaking of, FIVE weeks from *TODAY* is my scheduled csection. so surreal, as we drove past the hospital today … the flood of memories, both painful and anxiety-provoking (the surgery) to indescribably joyful (meeting my new son). it’s just SO much. i am having a hard time wrapping my mind around it all, the changes ahead and really just meeting this new precious gift. can i share honestly, that it’s hard to fathom loving another son as i love my josiah? i know that’s super normal but it stills feels uncomfortable to express. and i know in my mind that i will, that every mother does … and yet, my heart is so full now with my “baby” boy. as the pendulum swings, i then imagine the deliciousness of this newborn angel and my heart soars with excitement and joy.
:: many weeks ago, my sweet mom offered to come help me organize baby clothes, the boys’ room, etc. it all seemed so remote then, like … i still have SO much longer! well, we did it this past weekend. and i’m so glad. went through BAGS of baby clothes, brought in a new dresser for josiah, completely went through the closet in that room, etc. it does feel so good to have so much done and be much more “ready.”
:: so, closets … can i vent?! AGH. the owners of our apartment had appraisers come last thursday, so we spent a few days cleaning hard and getting things in great order. it felt great to me mentally (maybe that nesting kicking in). well, the very next day (friday), the maintenance man came to check a drainage issue in one of our bathrooms while the kids and i were gone. when we came home?? the contents of EVERY SINGLE CLOSET was emptied out. in piles. after working so hard for a sense of cleanliness, it was beyond aggravating. but the upside (i’m trying here) is that we planned to empty josiah’s closet last weekend anyway, so that was done. and our bedroom closet needed a clean-out anyway.
:: i am having a day of a full mama heart for my girl. i had this word in my spirit last night as i thought and prayed about madison: have GRACE for her tomorrow, mama. see her with eyes of gentle grace and mercy. and today i have had many moments of just deep gratitude for this girl, this gift … she is SUCH a joy to me and such a fun, wonderful person to spend my days with. today was extra special for her: her very first official babysitting job. it went SO well (except for her upset tummy and throwing up … ?) and her maturity and responsibility impressed and blessed me. she can’t wait to go again!
:: back to last week: toward the end of the week, i just *needed* a getaway. honestly, i feel a huge need to get out of town. far. out of state, ideally … but definitely out of this valley. i’d really hoped we could have some sort of vacation this summer, but it wasn’t feasible. and practicalities are preventing even going very far (and especially with baby coming so soon) so i went very small but still fun: the kids and i headed to ashland for an afternoon of playing in the creek and having ice cream. it felt SO good. 🙂
:: there have also been lots of hot afternoons spent enjoying our amazing backyard pool (LOL) …
:: i feel good to have a meal plan in place, and some good food soaking and prepping even now. the last week+ i just kept winging it as far as food and meals, and i just feel *SO* much better when i have a plan around meals. i love the rhythm and structure of a meal plan, family meals, and mama cooking for her family. i am soaking the ingredients now for these zucchini millet muffins; beans are soaking for a beans/rice/homemade pico de gallo dinner tomorrow; and jessica’s amazing oatmeal bake is ready to put in the oven tomorrow morning.
:: this weekend is my baby shower! YAY! i am looking forward to spending time with some dear friends and family, focusing on this precious baby boy.
:: finally, this scripture has been on my mind this week since doing a nightly devotion about it with madison recently:
“the worries of this life … and the desires for other things come in and choke the word” (mark 4:19).
the devotion was so simple – don’t those often resonate most in our “savvy” adult minds?? the analogy was a garden being grown by a girl, and the need to pull the weeds or the weeds would prevent the good things from growing. i was challenged, not just about the sins that come quickly to mind, but the words, “desires for other things” … what other things am i desiring?
am i content right now, knowing “LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely i have a delightful inheritance.” (psalm 16:5)?