struggling with “i can’t”

August 31, 2012

we are wrapping up our first week of intense, focused “schooling”. and to be honest, i am discouraged. i am just not sure how i will be able to manage to devote the focus and concentration needed in teaching madison her lessons (that are unbelievably intense and challenging this year, thanks to our participation in the amazing classical conversations community) while corraling a *nonstop* toddler (who prefers to constantly get in to dangerous things like outlets and computers) while sharing space with my husband who is trying to work.

it just feels like too much.

and oh yeah, i am about to have a baby … like, in 3 weeks.

the window of time for me to focus, uninterrupted with madison, is during josiah’s nap. which, coincidentally, is the one opportunity i have during the day to rest … the thing that my tired, carrying-a-huge-baby body cries out for.

and so, we’ve been on racing speed during naps, diving in to pre-algebra and latin and research and writing. and then he wakes, and the running continues.

i confess to struggling with seeing some things as a “need” right now, and trying to discern if they are really “wants”?: a “bonus” room/playroom, in which josiah could play without need of such constant supervision, while i work with madison. this feels so needful right now. i simply cannot hop up 27 during the study of latin declensions to pull him away from yanking down the computer monitor or climbing on the couch.

i am not sure the answer but feel like i need to get some “systems” in place before baby green bean arrives in just a few short weeks.

 

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