His timing, not mine

August 29, 2015

just yesterday, josiah looked up at me and spontaneously said, “mama, i love our new minivan!”  and a couple minutes later, “mama, i love our home.”

i smiled and agreed and told him how thankful we are that God has given us this home, and our van.

and i remembered again … how long the waiting felt. 

how i battled against coveting a friend’s home, or their minivan.

how all the voices around us and our culture screamed a message that said,  “you *have* to get a bigger house! after all, your hubby works from home, you are having more babies, it is time to move! and it is absolutely time for a bigger vehicle – have you started shopping!?”

truly, we did outgrow our car. then, the a/c died in it and it needed other repairs and during a hot smoky summer season when finances were super tight and driving anywhere in a hot semi-functional car became overwhelming, our dear friends showed up and gave us theirs. an old, well-worn, unattractive yet *totally* functional car WITH A/C. total grace.

and we drove that gift for a year and daily felt the gratitude of the gift – the a/c! the strong engine! GOD humbled my heart as i got over the appearance. funny, because i never considered myself a car person and certainly didn’t feel attached to the image of any vehicle. and yet, circumstances orchestrated by God’s grace revealed that indeed, i was attached to STUFF. it does define us in ways we don’t realize. it took a year of grace to really get the deep gratitude for FUNCTION, not appearance in any way.

and we waited … for the time that GOD would provide for us to buy something, not move forward with the protocol of our culture that says to charge and become indebted and accumulate, regardless of one’s capacity to actually pay. we determined to let provision inform our timing, not our wants and desires.

the time did come last month and it’s hard to capture how gratifying it felt to find just the perfect used minivan … and how every detail is something we still squeal with delight over! we waited, we chose gratitude in the waiting, and now we look back and see how good His timing is – always.

we were stretched and humbled and grown and shaped during the waiting.

and i know more than ever that the growing during the waiting is so much more valuable and lasting than any “thing” we set our hopes on.

He is good! even when circumstances look bleak, when we can’t see light at the end of the tunnel … seek Him, trust Him and rest in His love.  we are known and loved. 


2 Responses to “His timing, not mine”

  1. Leaves Heal Says:

    Yes– we are known and loved. He knows the learning path more than we know what would feel good at this moment.
    Slowly, we’re getting “stuff” here. A hot plate. A toaster oven. A refrigerator.
    Still want running water– hot and cold. Want laundry machines of my own, so I don’t spend a mint at the laundromat. Want it NOW or last month. Yes– His timing is good. The lessons along the way are good.
    Once upon a time, we had a fancy minivan with electric doors. On payments. nearly $300 / month! No grocery budget and, “Oh, crap!” Finding the blessing in selling the minivan was hard. Hearing the oppressive “Too bad you couldn’t have kept that minivan.” was a LOT harder. It’s OK to release the “should have’s.” They’re not a part of the learning path.
    Today, I have another minivan with electric doors. Paid for. Free-and-clear. Not perfect paint. Not perfect interior. But good. Perfect for us, right now.
    Hugs, Mama– proud of you.

  2. Stacy Says:

    Loved this. I remember when we got our van (used), we were just over the top thrilled that we were able to pay for it with cash, and that it had a CD player. 🙂 [Our previous old car had only had a tape deck!] Nevermind that our van is purple. It has been such a gift and blessing, has run so well and rarely has needed fixing, and I feel so content and blessed, always. 🙂 God is so faithful to provide.

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