this weird in between

August 24, 2016

last week felt different, felt like a turning of a corner. i’d been sailing along, feeling healed from surgery in july and just cruising along with my every-three-weeks herceptin infusion.

then the heart palpitations hit, the day after my last infusion. for several days, i was sidelined, hesitant, worried. what was going on, why was my heart pounding and racing and skipping?

was it the herceptin (which has as it’s main side effect, impact on heart function)?

bigger than that, and underlying really all these next treatment steps, is this: if i believe that i am healed, and the post chemo breast MRI said “complete response to neoadjuvant chemotherapy” and “no visible residual abnormalities” and “completely resolved”

and the pathology from my surgery (lumpectomy and 12 nodes taken) revealed “no residual invasive carcinoma seen” – NONE!

and the surgeon said the pathologist only sees this maybe twice a year and used the word “miracle”

then do i walk into unknown and potentially huge side effects from continued treatment?

i am thankful for the question – for the hard pause this last week represented and the grappling that feels inextricably linked to this healing journey.

more questions, more seeking, more praying, another invaluable consultation with my integrated oncologist, more revealed.

 

 

 

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One Response to “this weird in between”

  1. xbartx2014 Says:

    May God direct your steps and give you peace. Praying for you.


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